endings

Last week was a week of loss. There was the immense tragedy in Haiti that took the lives of tens of thousands of people. Closer to home, I knew of three people that died last week. All of their services were on Saturday.

I was at my bride's grandfather's memorial service this weekend, in Mississippi. And like these gatherings seem to do, I was reflecting on life. My life, other's lives, life in general. Of course the thoughts about death and the end of one's life also went through my mind for a while.

My bride's grandfather was born in 1933. In that year, work started on the Golden Gate Bridge. Hitler was named the German Chancellor. The first flight of all-metal Boeing 247 took place. The Blaine Act was accepted by Congress, ending prohibition. Mount Rushmore was dedicated. The game of Monopoly was invented. U.S.A. and Canada drop the Gold Standard. The first drive-in theater was opened - and that was just through June of that year! It was a big year in America and a big year around the world. There were many changes coming to this globe that were in full swing in 1933.

I never met my bride's grandfather, so I have no idea what kind of man he was or wasn't. I have heard some stories from my bride and I heard more stories this weekend as people reflected formally and informally about his life. The one thing I can say about him was he had seen this world change...drastically.

At one point I was standing in the back of the church holding my infant son. I was gazing at him and in total awe of the innocence that surrounded him. He literally has his whole life (as many days as God grants him) ahead of him. He doesn't know about the world and all of it's horrors and blessings. He is only aware of a few things - when he needs to eat, when he needs to sleep and when he needs new britches. Now he laughs and "talks" all the time, but I don't think he is aware of what that means. His only cognizant thoughts are hunger pangs, when his bed is calling his name and the discomfort of a squishy substance on his buttocks. Everything in his world is quite simplistic.

So I was thinking a good bit about life and death.

I wondered if my time would end when I was an elderly man who had lived a full life or if my death would come before my three sons understood death. (Right now "to die" means you fall down from a light saber or gun blast and then get up to "fight" some more.) I wondered if I would outlive my bride or leave her first. I wondered how I would respond if my brothers and parents passed away before me. I thought how horrible it would be to outlive my sons.

You ever wonder how if you dwell this much about death anytime other than at a funeral, you are considered morbid? I digress.....

I got to thinking briefly about my funeral or memorial service and the things that might be said and the people who might show up. I wondered if the service would be filled "to capacity" with people who knew me or if it would be a family gathering. My thoughts at this point were completely selfish. I wanted to think that I was pretty special and important to a lot of people and they would ALL want to be at my service to pay their respects.

Mostly though, I was thinking that I didn't want to get to the end of my life and have everything I did be for nothing. I don't know what that means specifically, but in part it means I will live each day like it could be my last. I guess in the end I want it to be known that I was a follower of Jesus, that I loved and cherished my wife, instructed and blessed my sons and provided true commradery to my friends.

May you see your life for what it truly is, a daily gift from God.