nothing

What to write?

Blogging is all about having something to say and communicate. I have been trying to be consistent with blogging about things that come to mind.

It's been a couple of days since I last blogged, so I sat down today to blog.

Nothing....I've got nothing.

Nothing to say about family. Nothing to say about work.

So this entry has nothing.

We have an acronym at work - S.S.D.D. For this post I will clean up the meaning, Same Stuff, Different Day.

And sometimes that is what life is like. It just goes. Wake up, live, go to sleep, do it all again. Nothing significant to report. It doesn't mean that there is nothing good going on. It just means nothing super noteworthy or out of the ordinary.

May you see there is nothing wrong with a day or so of just living. Sometimes it is good to have nothing going on.

sitting

I sit here tonight typing while watching my bride bustle around the house. It's bedtime for the boyz and my bride is helping the kiddos brush teeth. I was responsible for batheing the older two and reading with them. She took care of everything else - the baby and his bath, staightening up the house, doing the dishes after dinner. Seems I got off extremely light, AGAIN.

This is a rare weekend night home for me. My job keeps me booked most weekends and I am in the 5 month of 6 straight months working second shift (2:30pm - 11:00pm). My bride misses me when I work so much at night. She misses the help at bedtime. And having been home for two bedtimes in a row, I understand why.

My bride also misses hanging out at night with her man. Before this shift work job, I was home almost every night (except when I was making extra money as a basketball referee). We used to sit at home at night and do nothing but watch TV and eat. This is the biggest problem in our marriage - when we are together, we would rather sit and do nothing with eachother then get anything on the "honey-do-list" accomplished.

I have heard so many people over the years talk about how miserable they are when they are at home. Or the guys who would rather be anywhere than at home. I have actually heard people say before they are only with their spouse because it costs too much to get a divorce.

I am blessed to truly ENJOY my bride. I love being at home with her and the boyz. I actually miss my family when I am gone from them. And here's the crazy thing - they love having me around. It's amazing to be married to someone I consider my best friend. Now we have our moments like any couple, but I love being with my bride.

It's funny - when she is moving around the house trying to get things in their place, I often make her stop for a kiss, a hug or just to stop and look at me. This is annoying for her 'cuz she's in a groove and wants to get things done so she can be finished and then sit.

That's our theme for the last eight plus years - sitting. It's why we both gained about 35 lbs. our first year of marriage. It's why none of the stuff that needs to be done around the house gets finished. It's why we still don't exercise or read or doing anything "that would be productive." We love to be together as a couple and as a family - and there is nothing wrong with that.

May you understand that quality time spent with your loved ones is what they will remember, not how big the house was or how well your 401(k) is doing. May you remember it's not about the possessions of life but about the passion for living.

endings

Last week was a week of loss. There was the immense tragedy in Haiti that took the lives of tens of thousands of people. Closer to home, I knew of three people that died last week. All of their services were on Saturday.

I was at my bride's grandfather's memorial service this weekend, in Mississippi. And like these gatherings seem to do, I was reflecting on life. My life, other's lives, life in general. Of course the thoughts about death and the end of one's life also went through my mind for a while.

My bride's grandfather was born in 1933. In that year, work started on the Golden Gate Bridge. Hitler was named the German Chancellor. The first flight of all-metal Boeing 247 took place. The Blaine Act was accepted by Congress, ending prohibition. Mount Rushmore was dedicated. The game of Monopoly was invented. U.S.A. and Canada drop the Gold Standard. The first drive-in theater was opened - and that was just through June of that year! It was a big year in America and a big year around the world. There were many changes coming to this globe that were in full swing in 1933.

I never met my bride's grandfather, so I have no idea what kind of man he was or wasn't. I have heard some stories from my bride and I heard more stories this weekend as people reflected formally and informally about his life. The one thing I can say about him was he had seen this world change...drastically.

At one point I was standing in the back of the church holding my infant son. I was gazing at him and in total awe of the innocence that surrounded him. He literally has his whole life (as many days as God grants him) ahead of him. He doesn't know about the world and all of it's horrors and blessings. He is only aware of a few things - when he needs to eat, when he needs to sleep and when he needs new britches. Now he laughs and "talks" all the time, but I don't think he is aware of what that means. His only cognizant thoughts are hunger pangs, when his bed is calling his name and the discomfort of a squishy substance on his buttocks. Everything in his world is quite simplistic.

So I was thinking a good bit about life and death.

I wondered if my time would end when I was an elderly man who had lived a full life or if my death would come before my three sons understood death. (Right now "to die" means you fall down from a light saber or gun blast and then get up to "fight" some more.) I wondered if I would outlive my bride or leave her first. I wondered how I would respond if my brothers and parents passed away before me. I thought how horrible it would be to outlive my sons.

You ever wonder how if you dwell this much about death anytime other than at a funeral, you are considered morbid? I digress.....

I got to thinking briefly about my funeral or memorial service and the things that might be said and the people who might show up. I wondered if the service would be filled "to capacity" with people who knew me or if it would be a family gathering. My thoughts at this point were completely selfish. I wanted to think that I was pretty special and important to a lot of people and they would ALL want to be at my service to pay their respects.

Mostly though, I was thinking that I didn't want to get to the end of my life and have everything I did be for nothing. I don't know what that means specifically, but in part it means I will live each day like it could be my last. I guess in the end I want it to be known that I was a follower of Jesus, that I loved and cherished my wife, instructed and blessed my sons and provided true commradery to my friends.

May you see your life for what it truly is, a daily gift from God.

spirals

Why is it that when life gets going at a whirlwind pace, some of the basic things begin to fall by the wayside?

Let's take for example the need to exercise. About five years ago I was in a place where I got up every weekday morning at 4:30am and drove to Buford to exercise with about 20 people. Granted, I was in the police academy, but still, I was there every morning but one (That was when my car died on the highway and Big C came to the rescue at 5 in the morning). I would run and do all sorts of strength and conditioning drills. It was winter time, and even when it was 20 degrees outside, I was still there. Once I started working on the mean streets of Norcross, I continued to exercise and try to stay in shape. Then two years ago, I was made a detective. This was the beginning of the end of exercise and eating right. It was a different pace with different stressers and the influence of "seasoned veterens" to eat at "The Golden Trough" regularly. Inside of 18 months, I had gained back most of the weight I had lost in the academy. It was a vicious cycle that I tried half-heartedly to break. Recently, I have hit this issue head on and am being purposeful about exercising and eating better.

A couple of weeks ago my bride and I started a relation spiral dowhill. Nothing major, just life. The boyz, work, the house, the schedule. A missed opportunity to be sweet to one another, a miscommunicated thought or word, expectations that were never met. All of a sudden, we both found ourselves feeling that we weren't doing okay with each other. But we didn't say anything at that moment...or the other moments that I know presented themselves. So the cycle didn't break until the other night when we talked through things. Now we have to be intential about pulling out of the funk we have been in.

When negative cycles like these and thousands of others creep up in our lives, there are a few words that need to be applied to how we deal with those cycles - intential, purposeful, vigilant, honestly. One can't deal with negative patterns half-heartedly, otherwise the desired results will not be acheived. Positive change will never be acheived by maintaining the status quo.

May you see that true change in your life comes through the ideas of hard work, elbow grease and blood, sweat and tears.

stick with it

Ever notice how breaking a habit or negative pattern in your life is NEVER as easy as starting said behavior?

Two weeks ago I decided I would try to do two things - blogging and lose some weight. I have successfully written 5 times on this blog since then and I am happy to report I am down 10lbs. since starting on Dec. 28.

The blogging is a little more of a challenge because I have to not only find time to sit and type something, but I also have to figure out a topic. The weight loss has been a very different kind of challenge.

My bride found this website a little over two weeks ago that helps you figure out how to lose some weight. You plug in your current weight, target weight, gender, age and how many times a week you work out. The calculator then gives you a target date for your weight loss to be achieved. I plugged in my info and was told I would be down to the target weight by April 6, 2010. The site told me i could eat 1800 calories a day for maximum fat burn, 2100 calories for some fat burn and 2700 calories to maintain weight. I then downloaded a app for my Crackberry that counts calories taken in through food and calories burned for every activity in a day. according to the app this morning, i am averaging under 1800 calories a day, and have a net calories difference the last ten days of -16580. you know what that means? it means I am hungry every day, have headaches and want to eat everything in sight. i would love nothing more than to eat everything i prefer everyday. but instead i have been eating malt-o-meal or a homemade egg mcmuffin for breakfast, a protein bar for snack and lunch and then trying to make the best choice possible when eating out with my colleagues each week night.

I miss burgers, french fries, fried chicken fingers, honey mustard, ranch, pizza with sausage and pepperoni and peanut M&M's just to name a few things. I don't like tough choices when it comes to food. But if you want results, you have to make tough choices.

It's like life. when you have to make changes for the betterment of your life, you have to sell out to the idea and be fully committed. you can't make wholesale changes with a half-hearted attitude. Trust me, i am the king of excuses and procrastination, just ask my bride or my parents. but this last two weeks has been out of the norm for me. The question i face everyday is "will i make the right choice?" That question isn't just for food. It's the question we all face when there is a decision to make.

May you see that the choices you make reflected the time and effort you put into making them. May you understand the easier choice may not always be the wise one.

let's make a deal

the desire for control is something born into human nature. from the time we are infants, people try to gain control of their own situation. every single one of us can remember at least one story in our lives of going up against authority for a little piece of control. some of us are successful in taking control of every situation we are in, 'cuz we need to be in charge. some of us never want control and are okay following behind someone else. the interesting thing about control is when life starts to get a little crazy and unpredictable, most of clamour for control over something in our life. we start posturing for position and hope that by being "in control" we will find some peace.

trading, bargaining, bartering, wheelin' and dealin'. these words have meant a way of life for all of world at some point in history. one would think since these concepts have been so ingrained in the human race, i would be more understanding when my three year old attempts to fully embrace these ideals on a daily basis...angling for control in his young life.



"daddy, how 'bout i eat two bites of broccoli and one chicken nugget?" "can i get only three spankings?" "can i play for just two more minutes?" "how 'bout Bubba does (fill in job here) and not me?"



he is constantly pushing Wendy and me to the breaking point with all the deals he want to make with us. i would like to say that most of the time we are strong and rebuff his deals with the firm parenting skillz we have. however, there are times when we give in and then wonder about our lack of clear thinking. i often wonder if all the Star Wars stuff is rubbing off on him and he is using a Jedi mind trick on me. my only hope is that he will grow to use this power for good and not for evil.

may you see that always being in control does not allow for much freedom and spontinaity in your life. may you realize that allowing some level of chaos is truly okay in a person's life..after all, control is something that is most often gained through the manipulation of others.

memories

isn't strange how a simple smell, word, texture, feeling or location can trigger a trip down memory lane at a time we least expect it?

this has happened to me twice in the last week, which I thought was strange.

the first time it happened i was walking out of the house and getting the boys in the van. one of my nearby neighbors was burning a fire in their fireplace (which at this time of the year is a regular occurrence.) the odor of the burning wood took me back more than 15 years to a 6 weeks span when i was living in a Bosnian refugee camp in Croatia during their civil war. like i said, my neighbor burns fires often and the odor has never before made me think of anything other than "man, I wish we had a fireplace." (that's another entry for another time.) but on this particular afternoon, i was taken back for a few moments to my high school days when 3 of my closest friends and one of my brothers went to Gasinci. I remember some of the tangible aspects of the trip....the food, the living conditions, the actual camp, etc. but those thoughts quickly changed to people's faces. people who had been displaced by war. people who had seen the tragedy of war in a way this teenager from "the rough streets of Dunwoody" could not comprehend. i remembered people i met on that trip who i have become distant memories as well as people who i still know today. on a day when the last thing i thought i would be thinking about was a refugee camp in Gasinci, i found myself praying for people who i have not thought about in more than a decade. i hope that all these years later those friends have found a new life of joy wherever they landed.

the second memory was a little less heavy for me. i was driving to work and heard an ad on the radio for a product i had not thought of since i was a kid. the product is called Malt-o-meal and it's a granulated wheat product you boil in water and then add flavors to for a warm and hearty breakfast. my mom used to make this for my brothers and me on cold mornings. she would add a little milk and some brown sugar. i had Wendy pick up a box when she went to the store this weekend and last night, i made some. i made the batch last night to see if i could make it the way i remembered it. i followed the simple directions and added the previously mentioned milk and brown sugar. as i lifted the spoon to my mouth, there was a deja vu type moment for me and i was briefly taken back to those chilly mornings when my mom would make us breakfast. one taste of the cereal and I was in a full time travel moment induced by food. i felt like i was a kid again sitting at the table in the kitchen near "THE RUG" horsing around with my brothers. we would finish eating, then finish our chores and it was off to school. "off to school" meant we met in the living room for school with mom since we were all home schooled. (again, another blog opportunity for later.) after Wendy's laughter brought me back to the here and now, we enjoyed a few bites of the warm cereal and vowed to make it for breakfast, which i did this morning.

may your lives not be so rushed that when a fond memory is sparked you allow it to fade and go out, but rather fan that thought for a moment and see what joy may be ignited inside you.

more resolutions????

so I am sitting looking over my amazing blogs from 2009.

WOW!!!! two whole entries that didn't get me out of the month of January.

my baby brother (who is by no means a baby anymore) told me today that I should try to do this more regularly. one of my other brothers seems to have declared this will be the year he blogs more.

frankly, the more I say I will blog, the less I write. that's the way I am about most things....lots of good intentions until other bigger and better things come along. and after all, how presumptuous is it of me to assume anyone but me will read what I type??

anyway, if you are still reading along - my wife and I have been talking since our third son was born about 5 months ago about the need for us to get on the "eat right, exercise more" band wagon. the problem for me is I enjoy food too much. and it is never the food that is good for you that I crave. french fries, meat lovers pizza, pasta, Peanut M&M's, cheeseburgers from 5 Guys and the list could go on. it's not until you get to the mid 200's on this "list" that you will begin to see anything that remotely resembles "good for you" food.

so last week, I started counting calories thanks to an app on my Crackberry. I have exercised twice this week which is about 2 more times than I exercised in the previous 3 months. the app says that I am sitting at a net calorie difference of -6700, which I guess is good. the real test will be Monday morning when I step on the scale to see if starving myself this week has been worth it.

isn't that what most resolutions do to us? we vow to change a poor lifestyle behavior. think about it. i am fat, so i resolve to eat less and exercise more. i drink too much alcohol, so i vow to drink less. i am mean to my co-workers, so i will be kind. all of these things have good intentions behind them. until the stress of life gets to us and we revert back to our bad habits. seems there may be something larger behind our self-destructive behavior and maybe a better solution than broken resolutions....

i am going to try and stay with my resolution to be in better physical health. how come i have a sneaking suspicion that goal may end up like my blogging did last year?